![\"\"](\"https:\/\/debbiepetrina.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/dreamstime_xs_172912372-300x200.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\u201cGrieving\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n July 16, 2013<\/p>\n Normally I am a very optimistic person.\u00a0 Throughout my life, I dealt with many major, difficult events that required life adjustments.\u00a0 Going through a grieving process\u2014denial, anger, depression, bargaining–often accompanies the life adjustments.\u00a0 Somehow I always managed to plow forward through the process rather quickly, restoring a positive attitude and looking for that silver lining.<\/p>\n People have often remarked what an inspiration I am and how well I do. But lately, not this time.\u00a0 I have been stuck in one of those negative spells, with a negative attitude.\u00a0 In April, I developed complications from a UTI, got a virus, and had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic all at the same time.\u00a0 The perfect storm stirred up my MS to the point that left me completely incapacitated. I was admitted into the hospital.<\/p>\n Fortunately, after weeks of treatment and home care therapy, the infections and sickness went away and the MS calmed down.\u00a0 Physically, I returned to my previous pre-relapse \u201cnormal\u201d state.\u00a0 But having the weeks of downtime and being incapacitated shook me to the core. My mental and emotional state didn\u2019t rebound so easily. Every day I got out of bed and went through the motions of life, but with no smiles or enthusiasm. I was\u00a0 existing without any happiness. My emotions were erratic and unpredictable.\u00a0 Nothing was fun or funny.<\/p>\n I was grieving.<\/p>\n I was sick of being sick of being sick and tired of being tired.\u00a0 Too many times over too many years of problem solving and adjusting.\u00a0 My mind shut down; it was hard to think, which is what I always seem to do.\u00a0 Think.<\/p>\n Everything in my life has to be planned and organized around my bathroom problems, medications, accessibility needs, physical limitations, fatigue, waiting for others to help me with something\u2026 And every thing I do takes so long to do.\u00a0 Sometimes it\u2019s just not worth the effort. Everything is a production.<\/p>\n This coming September, I have a trip planned to Alaska.\u00a0 While \u201cnormal\u201d people are looking forward to the cruise, food and excursions, I am dreading it all.\u00a0 I worry about embarrassing myself with a bathroom accident.\u00a0 Or, what will I do if I get a serious UTI, since I am resistant to oral antibiotics?\u00a0 I have to plan to try and prevent these things from happening.\u00a0 It is exasperating.<\/p>\n On the other side of the coin, so often I have to cancel my laborious plans because I don\u2019t feel well, am too fatigued, maybe didn\u2019t sleep well, require a laxative\u2026\u00a0 I have to plan, but other times I can\u2019t plan something because of some physical or accessible limitation. It drives me crazy.\u00a0 I can\u2019t be spontaneous about anything.<\/p>\n Over the years, one reason I have kept a personal journal was to vent my sadness, stress or frustration.\u00a0 Here are a couple of entries made during this bad spell:<\/p>\n \u201cI wish I could just have 24 hours of being a normal person with no physical problems. To sleep through the night without waking up because of a cramp, a spasm, a pain, or to have to pee.\u00a0 To not wake up tired after being in bed for eight hours. To sit down and pee without the hassle of using a catheter. To have a bowel movement without worrying about if I am going to go, or if I am going to get to the commode in time.\u00a0 To eat whatever I want without bloating, gas\u2026 To have a day with no pain, or edema.\u00a0 To be able to walk.\u00a0 To have a day when I could everything myself without waiting or depending on someone to help me. To not have to worry about changing or cancelling plans because I am too tired.\u00a0 To not drop things.\u00a0 To be able to jump in the car and drive someplace alone. \u201c<\/p>\n \u201cLife is a journey as people often say.\u00a0 But why is it that some people just seem to cruise through life?\u00a0 Sometimes I feel like I\u2019ve been travelling on some bumpy, dirt road never knowing when an obstacle will pop up.\u00a0 It always does.\u00a0 A flat tire.\u00a0 A dead end.\u00a0 A detour.\u00a0 Overheated.\u00a0 A breakdown.\u00a0 Out of gas.\u00a0 An unmarked fork in the road\u2014which way to go?\u00a0 Stuck in a rut.\u201d<\/p>\n In the past, I always reached out somewhere, like counseling, to get me through my grieving.\u00a0 Grieving isn\u2019t a bad thing; it is a coping mechanism.\u00a0 But grieving too long is not good.\u00a0 It will crush your mind, body and spirit.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t reaching out this time and I was getting crushed.<\/p>\n Two things happened over the past month that broke me out of this spell and helped me heal my spirit. The first thing was that a lost dog appeared in front on our house late one evening, barking incessantly.\u00a0 This dog was a clone of my beloved companion Bear that died exactly a year earlier, both in looks and personality.\u00a0 After a month of unsuccessfully locating the owner of this lovable one-year old pup, we adopted \u201cGrizzly\u201d, aka \u201cLittle Bear\u201d as we named him.<\/p>\n Second, I came across an article about positivity that I saved from earlier this year.\u00a0 It was also a catalyst that started me thinking healthy thoughts again.\u00a0 I\u2019m posting it today on my blog after I post this article so that it may inspire others as it inspired me.<\/p>\n Divine intervention?\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 Faith, hope and love are so powerful.\u00a0 They pulled me out of the deep, dark hole I fell into and got me over my grieving.\u00a0 I\u2019m moving forward again with a positive outlook and I\u2019m smiling again on the inside and out. \uf04a<\/p>\n www.DebbieMS.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cGrieving\u201d July 16, 2013 Normally I am a very optimistic person.\u00a0 Throughout my life, I dealt with many major, difficult events that required life adjustments.\u00a0 Going through a grieving process\u2014denial, anger, depression, bargaining–often accompanies the life adjustments.\u00a0 Somehow I always … Continue reading